Trying

Well, we are right about there with only 2 months to go in this deployment. And, try as hard as I might not to, I'm getting really excited. It's not that I don't want to be excited, it's just that there are still 2 months -- 8 weeks -- left to go, and I should focus on getting through those rather than think ahead. All this is made more difficult by small things that keep my mind unfocused. For example, receiving an email from my KV regarding the Return and Reunion Brief scheduled for March 29. All the talk of the relief squadron's advance party making preparations to leave. People asking me whether or not I'm excited. (Duh.) In short, as long as I can make my mind think about the fact that there's still 8 weeks to go, and a lot can happen during that time, and not focus on that number of days left getting smaller and smaller, I think I'll be ok. 

And on a similar note, here is something that I have discussed in the past with my fellow military wife, Jaime, whose husband returned from Iraq in March 2007. PLEASE don't ask us if we're excited. I mean, honestly, I truly love it that you care, and I have really appreciated all your support during this deployment, but the answer to that question should be overly obvious. In fact, so obvious that I think I might change my answer from "Yes, really excited," to "You know, I hadn't thought about it. But I guess it will be a little awkward when I have to kick my boyfriend out of the house." You know, just to see how you'll react.

That made me think of this: Things You Should Never Say to a Military Wife. Learn it, live it, love it. (Courtesy of Lois)

THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A MILITARY WIFE!!!

 
Things Never to say to a Military Wife...Especially those whose loved ones are deployed...

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there. And Africa is no better either…where do you think the bad guys are hiding out?!)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of alcohol can occasionally help!!!)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy ford taurus with mercedes convertible.) (... I recently had a co-worker admire me, since when her husband left FOR FOUR DAYS, she almost went crazy.)

9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in 
Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
(Yes, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(Hmmm, no, I  don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night.)

last but not least....

13. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable 
American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.) 

So there you go. Perhaps some are a little harsh, a little more sarcastic than maybe I would have said to someone who said one of those things, but you get the general idea. 

BUT, on the bright side.... only 2 more months!!