40 Days and 40 Nights

Now that Easter has come and gone, and Lent has gone with it (and yes, I managed the WHOLE 40 days without celebrity gossip, and I feel like I'm a much better person for it... I will, however, be getting the scoop from Perez here momentarily, thankyouverymuch), my son and I will be embarking upon another 40 day stretch. Except this time, at the end of 40 days and 40 nights, our family will be whole once again.

I still have a punch list I'd like to finish up before Ian gets home, but I'm pretty happy with what I've already accomplished while he's been over there. I'm pretty proud of myself, too, for being able to handle everything that has been thrown my way. (Albeit, with less grace than I would have hoped for, but hey, I can't split hairs like that.) I never thought that I wouldn't be able to handle everything, but I'm surprised that I haven't had more meltdowns. And, aside from a bump here and a bruise there, Aaron is none the worse for wear, either. I know I should hardly expect a gold medal or a mother-of-the-year award, but I know I've done the best I can with what I have. I am, however, looking very forward to a nice, long vacation that involves a lot of sleeping and massages.

I realize that I'm rambling, and that this post is probably one of my least prolific and verbose, but it is, after all, Monday morning. Give me a break.

It (Updated)

I suppose the time has come for us to talk about It. But, it must be said, we really don't want to. This was a conversation I had with my hairdresser recently:

Sia: "Blah, blah, blah, blah..."
Me: "Uh huh."
Sia: "Blah, blah blah, blah bah."
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Sia: "OH! And I haven't seen you since It happened!"
Me: (pregnant pause... just because I like that phrase. It has nothing to do with me being pregnant. Because I'm not. That would be awkward, and I would have to do some serious explaining to Ian. In retrospect, this explanation wasn't worth the fun expression...) "Sia! I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"
Sia: "Oh, neither do I, trust me, honey. Worst night of my life. But I love that you know what I'm talking about."

That's right. My very Greek hairdresser and I, we're Patriots fans. And in a city like San Diego, once you utter those words, you are either met with laughs and jeers, or outright hatred. Here in the Whale's Vagina, sympathy, empathy, or simply someone who won't spit at your face is hard to come by. So we, the few but faithful, have to stick together, and we have managed to do that by honoring our silent agreement to just not talk about It. Since that fateful night in February, we've just sat here, our heads in our hands, wondering just where it all went wrong. We've only dared to peek through the slits in our fingers to see if Moss would ever get the ink in his pen working, and now that it is certain that 12 + 81 = 6 will return for another season, we can begin to assess the damage.

Sometimes, it feels like we're just emerging into the sunlight after a huge storm that swept everything away. We've lost a lot; our house is destroyed, and we lost some of our family members (i.e., Samuel, Stallworth, and Gay). There was so much hype, this was going to be the year. From week 4, all anyone could talk about was the Pursuit of Perfection, yet our boys kept their game faces on, week after week, chanting their mantra, "One game at a time." Bill "I'm a Football God" Belichick fed them regular doses of Humble Pie, and by the time Week 16 rolled around (in what would be a chilling precursor to The Night Which Will Live in Infamy), we were ready to make history. Which we did. Sorta. Not that that is what will be remembered this season. What will be remembered? SpyGate, the Perfect Collapse, and how much it hurt when we had to swallow that jagged little pill and admit that almost doesn't count.

Some people have laughed at us, looked at us right in the face, and said, "Cheaters never prosper," "What goes around comes around," and other cliche-ridden sentiments that can hardly capture our disappointment. What these people fail to realize however, that no matter what they say, or what comes out about our team (no matter how scandalous) that the Patriots will always be Our Team. We can no less cheer for the Chargers (unless, of course, they happen to be playing the Colts) than we can go a day without breathing. Through the good times (now) and the bad times (every year prior to 2001), the Pats will be our team. So go on and hate, because nothing you say will change that loyalty. Which (must get in a subtle dig here) is more than we can say for you, San Diego, and your fairweather fans who chant "Mar-ty, Mar-ty, Mar-ty" 3 games into a regular season. 

Now, all this might seem melodramatic and over the top, but when you're as emotionally invested in a season as Patriots fans were this season, it's bound to be a crushing blow. For those of us who actually have to work at it in order to even see the games, it's especially hard. We can't wake up, go to church, head to brunch, chat with friends and then come back home to settle in for a night of football. We actually have to get up, and find a place where 1) the game will actually be broadcast and 2) a place where it's well lit or 2a) there are other Pats fans in attendance. This year, after fighting and ultimately losing my battle (and subsequently, my Sunday Ticket) with DirecTV, it was more difficult for me to get out and see the games, especially once the single mother thing kicked in. So yeah, I was emotionally invested. And yeah, I did cry when It happened. 

But I'm over it. And though August is a long ways off, I'm more confident than ever that our boys will be back next year in top form. So watch out, 'cause here come the Pats! :)

The Best $10 I Ever Spent (This Weekend)

One of the best birthday gifts I ever received came from an ex-boyfriend. (Sorry, Ian! You showing up unexpectedly in Manch was top-notch, however.) For my 19th birthday, this guy took me to see the Goo Goo Dolls at The Tabernacle in Atlanta. For those of you unfamiliar with the venue, The Tabernacle was formerly an old church, hence the name, and is a smaller space, so to go to a show there means that you are within striking distance of whomever is performing.

Prior to the show, I had obviously heard of the Goo Goo Dolls and could even sing a few of their songs. After seeing that show, though, I was hooked and they became My Most Favoritest Band. I immediately had their album Gutterflower downloaded, and also picked up Let Love In when it became available. This weekend, while pushing a screaming child through the aisles of Target, my eye caught sight of this:

On sale. For $9.99. Love it.

Trying

Well, we are right about there with only 2 months to go in this deployment. And, try as hard as I might not to, I'm getting really excited. It's not that I don't want to be excited, it's just that there are still 2 months -- 8 weeks -- left to go, and I should focus on getting through those rather than think ahead. All this is made more difficult by small things that keep my mind unfocused. For example, receiving an email from my KV regarding the Return and Reunion Brief scheduled for March 29. All the talk of the relief squadron's advance party making preparations to leave. People asking me whether or not I'm excited. (Duh.) In short, as long as I can make my mind think about the fact that there's still 8 weeks to go, and a lot can happen during that time, and not focus on that number of days left getting smaller and smaller, I think I'll be ok. 

And on a similar note, here is something that I have discussed in the past with my fellow military wife, Jaime, whose husband returned from Iraq in March 2007. PLEASE don't ask us if we're excited. I mean, honestly, I truly love it that you care, and I have really appreciated all your support during this deployment, but the answer to that question should be overly obvious. In fact, so obvious that I think I might change my answer from "Yes, really excited," to "You know, I hadn't thought about it. But I guess it will be a little awkward when I have to kick my boyfriend out of the house." You know, just to see how you'll react.

That made me think of this: Things You Should Never Say to a Military Wife. Learn it, live it, love it. (Courtesy of Lois)

THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A MILITARY WIFE!!!

 
Things Never to say to a Military Wife...Especially those whose loved ones are deployed...

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there. And Africa is no better either…where do you think the bad guys are hiding out?!)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of alcohol can occasionally help!!!)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy ford taurus with mercedes convertible.) (... I recently had a co-worker admire me, since when her husband left FOR FOUR DAYS, she almost went crazy.)

9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in 
Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
(Yes, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(Hmmm, no, I  don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night.)

last but not least....

13. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable 
American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.) 

So there you go. Perhaps some are a little harsh, a little more sarcastic than maybe I would have said to someone who said one of those things, but you get the general idea. 

BUT, on the bright side.... only 2 more months!!